Worry, anxiety, behaving compulsively, and being in an unhealthy relationship with a friend, significant other, or coworker are all forms of attachment that cause stress.
It is not easy to stop worrying about the present and the future, to cease feeling obligated to those to whom we really aren’t obligated, and to separate yourself from tasks and responsibilities that really belong to others. The first step toward detachment is to identify the things in your life that do not belong there. This can be done by sitting down and making a list with two headings: “My Life and Responsibilities” and “Other People’s Lives and Responsibilities.” Once you have identified which things in life you are not responsible for, you can start consciously disassociating yourself from them one by one.
Many of us do not realize how addicted we have become to solving other people’s problems and helping them to see how much easier, less stressed, and efficient their lives would be if only they would do things our way. In his book Growing Yourself Back Up: Understanding Emotional Regression, psychotherapist and workshop leader John Lee shows readers that it is arrogant and self-defeating for us to assume that we can solve other people’s problems for them. It uses up our energy reserves, causes us stress, and usually doesn’t help anyone anyway.
One of the most constructive things we can do for others—be they friends, family, or coworkers—is to allow them to make their own decisions, their own choices, their own mistakes, and to experience their own victories. How else can we expect them to learn except by doing for themselves? We can’t control the amount of stress in other people’s lives, but we can surely greatly reduce our own by not assuming responsibility for the stress of others.
Many of us do not realize how addicted we have become to solving other people’s problems and helping them to see how much easier, less stressed, and efficient their lives would be if only they would do things our way. In his book Growing Yourself Back Up: Understanding Emotional Regression, psychotherapist and workshop leader John Lee shows readers that it is arrogant and self-defeating for us to assume that we can solve other people’s problems for them. It uses up our energy reserves, causes us stress, and usually doesn’t help anyone anyway.
One of the most constructive things we can do for others—be they friends, family, or coworkers—is to allow them to make their own decisions, their own choices, their own mistakes, and to experience their own victories. How else can we expect them to learn except by doing for themselves? We can’t control the amount of stress in other people’s lives, but we can surely greatly reduce our own by not assuming responsibility for the stress of others.
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